The Good Guy

I want to first state that this blog post is from my personal experience and not in any way shape or form trying to dictate what others may have experienced. The point of this blog is to bring this subject to light because I am sure like myself, many others have experienced a good guy whether it was as a friend or a potential relationship. I had a discussion with my husband recently and we have a very honest and open relationship when it comes to discussing the matters of the heart and I told him I would be paying tribute to one of the good guy's that I encountered in my college years. He agreed that it was definitely worth writing about. His words, "Men have friendships with women that are just friends all the time with no expectations or intentions. It is just unheard of because often those relationships are not acknowledged or if they are, it often comes with other women becoming jealous of the relationship and turning it into something that it is not, which then causes a rift in the friendship because of insecurities." Sound like a touchy subject? Don't worry, this will definitely be a topic of discussion later so stay tuned for it. But for now, let me tell you about my encounter.

So my story begins when I was nineteen in college at the University of Akron and living in an all girls dormitory. I had been dating my high school sweetheart since the tenth grade. He was attending Ohio State University. I had recently found out he had been unfaithful via his email account. It was a complete shock and it was devastating. I had been miserable for weeks. I would attend classes, but I wouldn't do anything other than school work and lay in the bed and cry. My bestfriend lived in the room next door and she would try and coax me to eat and would tell me to take my ass to the showers daily. She tried everything to get me out of my self loathing funk. Then one day a guy named Patrick who was a good friend to most of us in the dorm had taken notice that I hadn't been in the dining hall lately and wanted to check on me. He showed up to my room one evening and he was his usual goofy self and he asked why I hadn't been around and why I was sitting in the bed crying. I told him everything and my bestfriend came in to add to the story and you could tell Patrick was concerned for me. He kept telling me to get up and tried to get me to go out, but I would constantly refuse him.

Then one weekend before our winter break he showed up to my room with chocolates and I was in my pajamas and just as miserable as the last time he saw me. He said, " I brought these for you to enjoy and I wanted to tell you to pack your stuff for the weekend you are coming with me." I laughed and thanked him for the chocolates, and told him I would pass. With a serious look he said, "This is not healthy and you need to get away for awhile. Come meet my family and eat good. I already told my mama you were coming." It took a moment. But I agreed. When Friday arrived, I had my bags packed and still sad, but I went. He talked and joked with me as he always did on the road and sung along to the music and when we arrived after two hours to his home I was greeted by the entire family and some of his childhood friends. His mother had cooked this huge elaborate meal of fried chicken and potato salad, amongst other fixings and the desserts were insane. The meal was spread across the table. We ate and we laughed together the entire weekend. His mother had made up Patrick's room for me. He was a gentleman and slept on the couch. All the while he was being simply my friend. He had no other intentions. By the end of the weekend I began to find my old self again and realized some things. I learned that life doesn't revolve around one person in your life you have a connection or relationship with. Some people in our lives are put there for a purpose. It could be a life time, a season, or simply in passing. You encounter these people to help guide you down the path of where you belong. People are removed from your life for a reason, and that is so that you can grow.

When Patrick drove me home in a blizzard on that Sunday I thanked him. He replied, " No problem. Just do me a favor and know that you are worth so much more and deserve happiness. You did all the crying you needed to do and now its time for you to move on and find something better. You are young and I am sure the right man will come along and you will forget this heartbreak. It was good for you to experience it now so that you know what to look for in the next relationship." It was the realest thing anyone had said to me. He was up front, clear, and respectful. He simply just wanted to show me my worth and that, he certainly did. I often wonder whatever happened to him after college, and if he found his happiness. This was before the social media explosion so I have no clue where he is now. The point is, ladies we have all encountered one or more of these types of men "the good guy" in our lifetime. They didn't expect anything from us, but to just be a friend. You go out, have a good time and enjoy life. Yet sometimes we don't see it when we are living it at the time. You don't realize it until much later that some of these people you encountered actually helped mold you into a better you, even the ones that hurt us.

To all the Patrick's out there, I hope you find your happiness and I am going to acknowledge that you all have the same struggles that women go through in trying to find "the one". I am sure you go through heartbreaks just as much as we do. Ladies, if you are reading this and you recognize that you may have one of these Patrick's in your life, acknowledge them and thank them. Be just as good a friend to them as they are to you. There is purpose in our comings and goings in our day to day relationships. It may not be clear now, but it will be later so embrace them. To Patrick, not sure where you are these days my friend, but thank you Sir. Your kindness was above and beyond for me in my time of need. It has never been forgotten. I salute you!

Love Well My Friends,

Nichole Griffin

Writing in Zen Founder

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